Guys! As many of you know, I’ve been saving up for quite some time now in anticipation of my CRAZY European vacation. I saw all my friends study abroad and taste that sweet sweet Euro lifestyle, that I started to think, “Hey, I gotta get me some of that!” So I scrapped some cash together and hopped a plane to my first destination, Paris, France. And let me tell you something, it feels good to finally say…
Cuz I’m on vacation y’alllll.
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do sometimes, and per usual, my parents got real emotional.
They’re gonna miss me like crazy, but sorry mom and dad, this baby bird’s gotta fly! Because sometimes in a man’s life, he has to branch out, leave his man-nest, and soar among his European brethren. And that’s exactly what I intend on doing.
I hope they don’t miss me too much. I sometimes worry about them and how they depend on me. I’m not sure they’ll be able to bear the pain that will certainly ensue as a result of my departure. May God have mercy on them during this hard time.
When I boarded my flight, they bumped me up to first class because they knew I was such an experienced traveler and an overall super sweet dude. So I said “au revoir” to the USA, and “non merci” to the in-flight meal, and “je suis désolé je n’ai pas l’intention de” to the woman whose butt I accidentally touched. Then I just fell asleep instantly. Based on the other travelers, it looked like I was fitting in all ready.
And when I awoke, I looked out my window and was amazed to find our plane descending towards the breathtaking Parisian skyline.
Wow, now I for sure knew what all my friends were talking about when they said Paris was for lovers; because I had a massive erection.
So I got off the plane and proceeded to immediately get lost. I felt like such a typical tourist. I mean, for a second there I was positive I was going to end up on one of those Locked Up Abroad shows.
Feeling mortified and dumb, I wandered into a Parisian bakery to try one of these darn baguettes I’d heard so much about and to ask for directions. While I was there I chatted up the baker, even gifting her with one of my classic American jokes. And boy-oh-boy did I impress her with my humor!
Needless to say, I was a hit. And I’m sure we’ll get together around the holidays or at the very least become penpals.
So with baguette in hand, I kept it moving. No time to waste I say! Give me 1000 cc’s of culture stat!
I tracked down a tour guide who I had heard was all the rage. His name is Pierre, and we hit it off instantly. From the moment I met him, I could tell this guy was cool as hell. He seemed real legit, finally I had found a dude who was willing to get as buck wild as me.
We saw all the sites there are to see, whizzing through the entire city I couldn’t believe that I had finally made it here. Pierre and I had a blast, that dude is freaking nutz. He’s probably clinically insane, but what can I say? That’s just my style.
It’s like Americans just don’t get it sometimes, what it means to be a Parisian. They have this saying here,
“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”
And let me tell you something y’alll, I’m MOTHERF-ing stuffed.
So far Paris is like the absolute best time of my life. I bet all my friends are super jealous of me back home. Suckers. Tonight I think I’ll check out one of those krazy euro night clubs, so stay tuned for that! It’s gonna be wild for sure.